It's been ages since I've last been to Church. It's not my kind of place to go. Today was a weird day except that there was nothing weird about it. I guess being sober and having no booze within my bloodstream makes me feel weird. I crave for a smoke, but never mind I can wait for an hour or try to do so. I'm here to regain my virtues and I hope it's as easy as I think for it has been nearly half a decade since I've been zonked each day and I'm poor as piss and 'well wishers' say I still have the potential to make something of myself, oh well, what do they know. But in this world where there's an acute shortage of people who even try to love you, you might as well value those who do. Who am I? I'm James Bond,no I'm not. We never really know in this vast universe. Wit, who am I? Umm, I'm just a boozed out person trying to sort my life out. So I am now going to a support group for alcoholics and they irony is that the group sessions are held in a church.
They grey pallor of the church was adding more glum to my alcohol free day. As I entered the doors of the church I saw that there was an array of support groups and rehabilitation centres and the sessions were different rooms, they had to be, too many strange people makes the place even weirder, you see.
Quaintly insane, just plain ( support group for mediocrity), Woman with tiny bosoms, Men who need a brassiere, virtual world addicts, simply depressed, She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie, Cocaine ( a support group for coke addicts), A butt for a nut ( a support group for bad rappers), Don't treasure the visual pleasure ( quit porn) and then amidst all this ruckus there it was, 'Alcoholics Anonymous'.
I entered a gloomy and dingy room, a bit like school. A black board, chalk, benches but only here everyone was discussing what we would have loved to discuss in school, booze. The room was almost full, booze is after all a perfect escaped. I came in at 17 hours and at exactly 17 hours and 1 minute man tallish guy with a salt and pepper beard walked in and he asked us why exactly we drank, many people had their sob stories to tell and they were almost all the same. He then started talking about life and how much of a life is. I was getting bored as hell. All of these people seemed so interested in what he was saying, to me all his philosophy very rehearsed. Everyone seemed so interested, everyone except one, I'm surprised I didn't notice her, she was so noticeable. Her dulled expression, fat body, her bright yellow floral dress, she had a very pronounced double chin, women don't have the great Morrison hottie technique of growing a beard once you get a double chin so when a woman gets a double chin, it is very prominent but even with a beard, you can dilute it but it can't be hidden. One hour passed and by the end of it my arse was numb and my tail bone or coccyx was hurting, I managed to sit for one hour and had almost a day without booze was killing me, yes, I pretty much know what I'm going to do when I get home, hey the process of regaining ones virtues is slow. Finally the session was over, huh, sigh of relief.
As I walked out of the high church doors dusk had already settle, the poetic night was peeping at us through the ashen clouds. It was going to rain and the landscape was waiting to embrace those fierce drops. Oh, how these days go, it's a shame that this day had to end so fast. The trees were praying to the spirits of the sky. Life was slowing down, I could do feel it. Any ways, I was getting a bus back home and as I was waiting for a bus the same woman who was sitting in my support session came, yes the fat woman with the double chin, I don't want to call her that but I don't know her name and we humans are a prejudiced breed. She smiled at me and I must say she has such a warm smile for a messed up person. We were waiting for the bus and then she asked me what I think about life. " I have nothing much to say about it, because if I did I wouldn't be here," I said. "So why are you here?'' she asked. " Well, I started drinking when I was four but it became a habit when I was twenty," I said. " Haa, you took sixteen years to make it a habit and you started drinking when you were four, damn, you're a juvenile scam," she said. Her words were scornful but even then I felt this bond with her, the kind of bond I haven't felt for a long time. " Why did you start drinking?" I asked her. "Well, I needed to go on a diet to get a fab midriff, so I went on an all booze diet," she said. "Seriously?" I asked. " Nope, you actually believed , me, I drank because I wanted to drink and that's the truth with most of us out here, I mean we drink because we drink and that's the blatant truth in life, we do things because we want to do thing," she said. I actually believed the booze diet part because people do go on insane diets these days, it's like they reveal their inner insanity in the form of their diets and about the we spin our own fate part, unfortunately it's true. So if you're in a shit position just remember you reap just what you sow, but indeed, karma is a bitch. " So, what do you think about life," she asked me, she's lame. " Well, I have nothing much to say about it and why do you ask," I asked her. " Well nothing, it's just that here we are wasting our lives and there are people who over achieve through, their life. It's like people talk about how chimerical life is and I have always found it a drag. I want to be here but I always feel I'm not quite here," she said. " Well life could be all about a coincidence gone right or wrong but yes the good question is where did it all start and that's when the question of god comes about," I said. It had been a long time since I had indulged in intellectualism or rather pseudo intellectualism with someone other than myself.
" You're addicted to substance and therefore I hope you have good imagination," she said. "Well it's quite the contrary, because as you gulp down the booze, you're neurons become loose,'' I said. " I have a feeling a woman was the one who started the universe,'' she said. " And why do you think so," I said. " Well, researchers say that the evolution of a male was just a co-incidence,'' she said. Sweet co-incidence I thought to myself, a co-incidence gone right. " Yes, but you always need a sperm to fertilize an egg," I said. " True but you're in a uterus for the first nine months of your life and the first nine months of your life may not seem like anything but those nine months decide your basic facial structure and the first nine months is what makes the phenomenon called you," she said. " Go on", I said. " Now picture this she said, a woman, the mother of all, I shall let her go unnamed, a beautiful and strong woman, god saw and he decided he wanted her and after a lot of wooing he finally got her and on one fine time they made love and god planted his seed in her, her egg and his sperm united to form a zygote and then there was a hyper- nova in her uterus, what we call the big bang theory, so I guess we call it the big bang theory for a reason or it's a co-incidence. Anyways that zygote was the beginning of the universe and now she's still pregnant with a fetus called the universe," she said. " Wow, she's been knocked up for a long time, when will she give birth?" I asked. " The universe is still growing and she might be giving birth anytime soon, after all there have been talks of apocalypse," she said. " So in other words, you could say every birth of a child comes with the faithful promise of death," I said. " Yes, it's a fact," she said. I was enthralled by her lame cliche philosophy and just then my bus arrived, we parted ways from there.
When I reached my bus stop the night had already settled and now I was walking home. Yes, the day was over but I realized it was my day. So as I walked by the array of street lights that were there to have mercy on us human mortals who have this inability to see in the dark I thought about what I wanted to do tomorrow but then tomorrow is another day and a day well spent is quite the day.
